Get Back Up & Do It Again

feelings, Life events

It has been a pretty rough start to this year, which may be mildly ironic given my year in review of 2018.

But things can’t always be peachy keen.

How dull would life be if everything was perfect all the time?

We would never appreciate the good moments,

the beautiful moments,

the vulnerable moments,

those moments that feel infinite.

I am a firm believer that hardships happen to spur growth and/or change,

and boy, I sure am going through some growing pains right now.

It’s easy to think that, with age, you become impervious to growth;

that you’ve learned all you needed to learn during your youth so now the world just sorta happens around you,

but that is truly naive thinking.

Part of what I am learning is that, while I thought I had learned almost everything there was to learn, I was wrong and I am learning a lot right now,

changing a lot,

metamorphosing.

I mean, I guess life has been pretty sweet for the last 4 years.

I’ve been long overdue for a rocky one.

So, here we are and here I am learning.

It’s kind of rough.

But there is so much shimmering wisdom blooming within this chaos.

Photo by Jake Givens on Unsplash

Moving While Not Moving

Musings

There’s a kind of catharsis that comes along with big news, big changes, big events.

For me, it sometimes feels like that big piece of new information becomes part of who I am

and I think to myself “Okay, this is me now” and I get sort of complacent in that space.

Usually after about a nanosecond of feeling that way, I tell myself that life isn’t about complacency.

Not for me anyway.

It’s about continually tilling and digging to discover more about who I am and the world I’m in.

I like to always be moving.

Always working toward something.

Always philosophising about something.

Always doing.

Always.

Ironic, maybe, that one of my favorite activities is sitting on the lawn and doing nothing.

But I’m not really doing nothing.

I’m feeling the combination of cool earth and soft down of the grass.

Feeling the cool or warm or crisp or balmy breeze.

Feeling the nurturing glow of the sun.

Feeling.

And smelling all the magnificent smells of spring (right now, anyway).

I’m currently reading a book about quantum biology that analyzes smell.

It’s a pretty freakin’ remarkable process.

But I digress.

Being enveloped by nature helps me deepen my understanding of what it means to be alive.

It’s pretty incredible that we get to experience life on a planet as opposed to viewing one from the distance.

So I like to always be physically and mentally doing even if it looks like I’m doing nothing sometimes.

Moving while not moving.

I guess that’s kind of a big part of who I am.

Finite Assessment. Infinite Revelation.

Assessment

My assessment is on Friday.

Pretty scared to be honest.

If it’s not this then I hope it’s something.

Because something is better than nothing in this situation.

If it’s nothing then I guess I’m just crazy.

And everyone is crazy.

So maybe crazy isn’t such a bad thing.

But if it’s crazy then I’d like to be able to communicate with crazy a little better than I do now.

So, I guess, it’s all a win in a way.

Still scared though.

Life = journey. Life=journey. Life=journey.

Spring on Earth

Musings

Spring and Fall are my favorite seasons. I like the crispy, cool air and crunchy leaves of Fall and breaking out the sweaters and knits after relishing in strappy things and shorts for the summer.

Right now, the earliest hints of Spring are beginning to blossom. The sun feels brighter, warmer. The air is beginning to become perfumed with the aroma of early spring blooms. Shedding the bulky winter coat for something a little airier and possibly even sporting bare legs again always feels so refreshing.

Seeing nature awaken from the deep slumber of winter is always inspiring to me. Watching the sleepy bees buzz in the sun, little gnats darting and zipping in clusters made visible by sunglare and the hint of green springing up from the ground is miraculous. The synchronised systems that pull the pulse strings that intrinsically link nature, the earth, the sun, the solar system, the universe fills my rib cage with the most electric hum of transcendence.

That all reads very abstract, but I don’t know how else to say what I mean. It’s not even really something I can articulate. It’s a profound feeling at the deepest point inside that vibrates on the same string that links nature, the earth, the sun, the solar system the universe.

To be able to experience what life is actually like on a planet rather than viewing it from a satellite from a great distance is…is beyond words.

I’m going home this week.

It’ll be nice to have these spring-time feelings there as well.